Mondays For Men: Online Dating For The Integrity Minded Man

Mondays For Men: Online Dating For The Integrity Minded Man

I can’t tell you how many times I keep hearing the same thing. People are meeting prospective dates online but we’ve all heard the stories about how people have misrepresented themselves on dating websites by posting out-of-date photos that don’t reflect what the person looks like anymore, or by fudging on age or other factors.

One of my friends went on a date with a woman he had met through a very popular dating site, gotten through to the stage of talking on the phone regularly and when he met her, her picture was clearly from another decade. It was very unnerving. When he asked her about it, she said, “Well I was afraid people wouldn’t even respond to my profile if I put a current picture.” She just didn’t get it, no one wants to be lied to.

We want to find people to date that are honest, and we do not want to get unpleasant surprises when we find out that the woman we’ve been exchanging messages with is really ten years older, and her photo is from twelve years ago, before her hair went completely gray (not that there’s anything wrong with gray hair)!

What’s the cut-off for fudging on a profile anyway? Is it acceptable for her to report that she weighs 120 lbs when she really weighs 135 lbs? Is it okay for her to omit information like the fact that she has tattoos from head to toe? How do you know if a woman is being less than honest?

First, it’s not uncommon for people, both men and women, to conveniently forget that they gained ten pounds over the holidays, or that they had a birthday six months ago. That doesn’t necessarily make it right, though.

You’re the only person who can decide if any misleading information is grounds for kicking someone to the curb, or if certain misrepresentations are considered outright purposeful dishonesty. If you’re trying to weed the wrong kinds of women out of your dating pool, then here’s what you should do:

  • Decide where your “honesty cut-off” is, and do not waiver from it. If you do, you’ll always feel that nagging concern in the back of your mind that she’s not being totally upfront with you about other things.
  • Have several conversations with a prospective date, online and by phone if possible to get to know her before you even suggest a date. Look for inconsistencies.
  • Ask lots of questions about her life. Don’t try to be a detective or to conduct an inquisition, just gather lots of information to help you make an informed decision about whether or not she’d be a good candidate for your romantic life.
  • Talk to her about what you value in life and see how she responds. Keep this kind of conversation light, because if you start to sound like you’re preaching, you’re going to turn her off.

If it’s seriously important to you that your date is tattoo-free for example, you could strike up a conversation about how you once considered getting a tattoo, but you decided that you like the look of the skin you were born with – free of artwork. You can do this with just about any subject – the way she responds will tell you a lot.

  • Make the first date something very easy to get out of – coffee, or a walk in the park, or meeting at a popular spot for a quick drink after work. Set a time limit that you keep. That way if you meet, and you find that your date hasn’t been upfront with you, you have an easy way out.

Good women are out there, and they’re willing to be upfront about themselves. They may want to put the accent on their good traits (that’s just normal) but they won’t misrepresent themselves just to get a date, and neither should you.

Best of luck with your upcoming date!


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About Heather

Heather Vaughn (Personal Google +)
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I started The Yes Girls after graduating from the University of Colorado at Boulder because I loved the idea of helping guys propose in completely personalized & romantic ways. Thankfully I am blessed to have my husband, Kyle, who always supports my passionate personality, no matter how extreme my ideas may be! Years later, I’m still hooked. A leap of faith and incredible clients turned this into the best job ever!

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