While the heart of any wedding is the bride and groom, it also features a cast of important people in the bride and groom’s life. From the bridesmaids to even the attendees, wedding roles have roots that go back to ancient history. Tying the knot is nothing less of a milestone for the newlyweds-to-be, which calls for the full support of friends and family.
Arguably, the second most important role is the best man. Believed to have been introduced in Germany around the Middle Ages, they’re responsible for being the groom’s pillar of support during the ceremony. The best man is generally the groom’s brother or best friend, whether or not the best man is married.
So choosing the right person for this role shouldn’t be taken lightly. Take note of the following four tips on selecting the best man or woman (more on this later) for honor of being the best man:
Make sure they check out
By “pillar of support,” this doesn’t just pertain to emotional support but also physical. Even before the big day, the groom will understandably be under a lot of pressure, making sure the ceremony goes without a hitch. The best man shoulders the burden by helping the groom get ready.
Once you have a shortlist prepared, pass on this checklist to the best man. Review your best man’s readiness based on how well they can do everything expected of them, such as:
- mediating any conflicting decisions between the bride and groom,
- planning the formal attire that the groom and his men will wear,
- keeping the wedding rings safe and sound until the ceremony,
- drafting a reception speech that will knock everyone’s socks off, and
- taking charge of the groomsmen and maintain order at the reception.
The best man is all about sweating the small stuff, allowing the groom to focus on the things that matter more. A good best man will lend a helping hand when asked, but a better one won’t need a heads-up to know if they’re needed.
You can have more than one
While the checklist mentioned earlier is ideal for finding the right person for the role, that’s not always the case. Sometimes, there’s more than one suitable candidate. Being forced to choose can be hard, especially if either won’t be cool about not being chosen.
Here’s the thing: there’s no rule that a wedding can’t have more than one best man. This setup works best if the groom has multiple brothers or close friends that fit the bill. From an emotional standpoint, having more than one shows that the groom greatly values these people in his life. It’s not quite traditional, but wedding traditions change over time.
There’s an asterisk to this, though. Some of the best man’s duties might not work with multiple people, namely accompanying the maid of honor down the aisle. It’s highly advisable to divide the responsibilities among them—one to accompany the maid of honor, another to keep the ring safe, and a third to give the reception speech. (1)
You can have a woman
While on the subject of breaking traditions, a woman qualified enough for the role is acceptable. Some weddings refer to them as the best woman, but others still call them the best man. Most grooms prioritize how much they’ve shared their lives with close friends or relatives, regardless of gender. (2)
Are there advantages to having a female best man? Except for having more options for the role, there aren’t any. Nevertheless, like having more than one best man, there’s no rule prohibiting women for the part.
Be creative in asking
Nothing’s set in stone until the chosen candidate agrees to assume the role. You can walk up and ask them directly, but the offer might not sound significant enough. Treat the role with a bit more importance by getting creative.
Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to offer the invite. Here are some simple examples:
- A handwritten letter
- Invitation with the specific bow tie to be used
- Sending a dedication pizza to their address
- A personalized mystery box full of goodies
- A personalized six-pack bottle case (3)
One key takeaway
It’s important to note that, even with these tips, your most ideal pick may still refuse the role due to different circumstances. When the reason ranges from moving to a faraway place to dealing with some stressful matters, the best thing you can do is to respect their decision.
However, these tips can guarantee you other options, whether the second most ideal pick or getting more than one best man. In the end, only you can decide how you want your special day to go.
References
- “How Many Best Men? Is it Dumb to Have Multiple”, https://www.theplunge.com/groomduties/is-it-dumb-to-have-multiple-best-men/
- “Why grooms want a girl for best man”, https://www.theguardian.com/world/2008/may/04/gender
- “How To Ask Your Best Man and Groomsmen To Be Part Of Your Wedding”, https://www.weddingjournalonline.com/how-to-ask-your-best-man-and-groomsmen-to-be-part-of-your-wedding/
