We all go through rough patches in our relationships, especially when that relationship consists of two people that couldn’t be more opposite. That’s how my relationship is with my fiance… he’s an extrovert with a go-getter attitude. He’s the smartest of the smart when it comes to maintaining business relationships on a personal level. He’s level headed and hardly gets worked up about anything. Me, on the other hand? I’m a creative spirit with ALL the feelings. I’m overly sympathetic, excited, frustrated, hungry, etc. at any given moment. You can most often find me crying at Facebook videos of dogs that have had hard lives, but ended up in safe and loving families. Needless to say, we don’t always see eye-to-eye on how pressing situations should be handled (or reacted to).
The BEST thing we have ever done for our relationship was to take the Enneagram test. The Enneagram “is a model of the human psyche which is principally understood and taught as a typology of nine interconnected personality types.” I heard about the test on one of my favorite podcasts, and wanted to try it out for myself. My results ended up showing me a window into my personality that I’ve never really had before, and I knew that once my fiance read about why I react to certain situations the way I do, he wouldn’t be so quick to judge (and vice versa). So what were our results?
I am a Type 6: The Loyalist. My basic desire to to feel security and support from those around me. I thrive when creating safe, trusting relationships, but can also be very indecisive and cautious when making decisions.
He is a Type 3: The Achiever (to no surprise!) His basic desire is to feel valuable and worthwhile. He finds worth in succeeding his goals and being a role model to others. His downfall is that this can lead him to being a workaholic and constantly competing to prove himself.
We sat down and read through our personality profiles together, and after that evening, things slowly started to shift. Several instances after, when something happened that would have usually sparked a fight, the conversation ended abruptly with him saying, “We’re not going to fight about something this small.” On my end, I learned that since he thrives on success, I had to remind him everyday how proud I am of all of his hard work (and his smile is SO worth it!)
So, whether you’re looking to mend a hole in your relationship, or maybe you’re just wanting to learn something new about each other (which we believe couples should ALWAYS be looking to learn something new about their partner regardless of how long you’ve been together), the Enneagram may be the answer that you’re looking for! If you try the test, let us know how it effects your relationship!