Words: Heather
Published: December 21, 2010

To ask or not to ask, that is the question. Some will argue it’s old fashion and others will state it’s a must before walking down the aisle. Here is a little twist on the “asking her father for her hand in marriage” tradition; Instead of looking at the inorganic conversation as asking permission, consider it a time to thank her parents for raising such an exceptional and beautiful woman. The conversation will feel a bit more natural and it’s still getting the point across…I want to marry your daughter. We highly recommend sitting down with her parents and having the “thanks for your daughter” conversation.

Talking To Her Parents = Perks

1. Even the modern, unconventional woman loves a chivalrous act. Your sweetheart may not require that you ask her father/parents for permission but she definitely won’t fault you for sitting down or putting in a phone call to thank them for all they’ve done. My bet is she would be pleasantly surprised that you made the effort to let them know marriage was in the near future.

2. Her parents will not only respect you for having the “thank you” conversation but a little flattery on your part can do wonders. You are about to embark on this little journey called “wedding planning” and trust me, you want to be on their good side for everyone’s sake!

3. Note that it says parents, not just the father? Whether her parents are together, separated, or remarried, make sure to thank each of the parents that had significance in her upbringing. If for some unfortunate reason your girlfriend’s parents are no longer in the picture, then surpass her expectations by talking to one of her close relatives. Perhaps she has a godparent or an uncle she looks to for support? I’m sure that special person wouldn’t expect a thank you but would certainly treasure you thanking them for being a loving role model in your girlfriend’s life.

4. Parents can be quite helpful when it comes to planning marriage proposal details. During your conversation with her parents, you can get them onboard for the proposal. If her mom can keep it secret, ask her to help you distract and surprise your gal the day of your proposal. Better yet, her parents can be in charge of coordinating the surprise engagement party or small get together after your proposal. Not only will you receive big props from your gal, but her parents can organize it so you can focus all your energy into the actual proposal. However, if you’re afraid one or both parents will blow the surprise, you can still have the “thank you” conversation and just leave out your proposal date!

Hopefully you see that the perks of having “the conversation” outweighs the awkwardness or nerves you may be feeling. Why not start your relationship off on the right foot with your future in-laws?

Engagement Party Table Setting from Hostess blog.

Love,